


We Found Love.

by orphan_account



Category: The Beatles, classic rock - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Beating, Cigarettes, Death from drugs, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drugs, F/M, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Overdose, Pre-Beatles, Recreational Drug Use, Relationship(s), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drug Use, Violence, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 04:44:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3474908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Paul is admitted into a mental hospital after a failed attempt on his life and doctors diagnose him with depression. There he is introduced to things that not only brighten up his life, according to him anyway. Its there that he gets addicted to drugs, alcohol that is all smuggled in by his boyfriend and the love of his life, John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**November 4th, 1956.**

 

**((*This whole story takes place in Pauls POV.*))**

 

I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, craning it, I knew the upcoming events would not only be my most dreaded days but also my most regretted. I looked at my father, tear filled eyes as I have too much of a vivid memory of my mother. I got choked up, wanting to cry as it wasn't yet a week since her passing, hearing a song she used to sing to me stir up over the radio. Punching it off I leaned onto my hand and glared out the window. I knew my father was furious with me, but I didn't want to hear it. A couple days prior to this I made an attempt on my life. In my leather pants and jacket that my father had repulsed feelings towards, I crossed my arms along my chest and did my best to look pissed.

 

Gleaming at him in anguish as he chuckled at the sound of the song, _(fuckin' dick turned the radio back on.)_  I hummed along and practically cried on the way to the hospital. The car ride was long and dreary, raining, as always, but that was England for you. It was agonizing to know where I was going, cruel, unwelcome, dark and daft I couldn't believe my dad would allow me to be admitted to somewhere so awful, especially in times like these. I fell asleep on the way there since Wales was quite a bit away from Liverpool.

 

Once we finally arrived my dad tugged on my arm, I woke, stretched and looked at the bleak building set before me. Sighing I got my shit out of the boot of the car and trugged forward. I looked about the outside, trees whisking with the wind and rain, shaking my head as I made my way up the front steps with my father. We entered and talked to the owner, Brian Epstein. He was a polite fellow and offered both my dad and I _(mostly my dad)_ his condolences not only for my mother, but for me as well. I didn't say anything other than my name and he patted my back as he signed me into the record book, calling for a nurse down the hall to show me to my room. Or should I say my cell. My father and I hugged, cried a bit and said our goodbyes, I knew I'd see him again, hopefully we won't be apart for too long, they said he could visit, if he wanted to at least. 3 hours was a long way to drive just to see someone as meaningless as me.

 

I clutched onto my pillow, blanket and sketchbook as the nurse took me into a room that was oh so tiny, even the beds were small but you had to make do. There were wall hooks to the left of the door and past that were the bunk beds. I hadn't known I'd be getting a roommate. There were two metal type dressers for both me and whoever I was staying with. I saw a stack of books laying on the one I supposed they claimed, so I took the empty one at the end of the bed, underneath the hooks. I stared at the wall in confusion, attempting to make it out but unable to. The nurse laid out two sets of clean clothes for me on the bed. I thanked her and she handed me a booklet full of rules for the institution. 

 

"These are the rules, alright?" She said in her accent most people from Wales had but something else mixed in, I couldn't put my finger on.

"I'd rather hear em' from those lovely lips, especially with an accent as lovely as that." I chuckled and she did as well, I was glad she took it as a joke.

"Hah well they're pretty simple, up and about by 8:45 AM, showers regularly, AM or PM doesn't matter to us, visitations are on Saturdays. No drugs, no alcohol, nothing of the sort unless prescribed by a doctor here. Breakfast is at 9:30 AM, lunch is at noon, and dinner is at 9:00 PM. Always have clean clothes, we offer two free pairs, if you need anymore brought to you ask a guardian. Always keep personal items to yourself and just try not to get into too much trouble. If you have an outbreak you will be sedated and sent to solitary where we will keep you locked away for a bit, in a straight jacket so you cannot harm yourself. If you get caught violating and or harming yourself, someone else or anything on the lines of that, ESPECIALLY a staff member you will be handcuffed onto your bed. We have good intentions here for good reasons and purposes and want to help everyone as best we can. Enjoy your stay." She winked at me and walked off, her tights were see-through and god did she look good in them.

 

I set all my stuff down, organizing it in the free locker type cabinet that had belonged to me, clothes, books, everything. My sketchbook always stayed with me. I laid back on my bed and skimmed through one of the books on the shelf next to my bed, I had the bottom bunk and had no clue whom of which owned the top bunk or these books for that matter. It was a good choice though, whoever it was had a good taste. I began to read it, it was one of my favourites, Catcher in the Rye. Just as soon as I began to reread it someone busted in through the door.

 

"Hey fuck you guys!" He exclaimed while throwing some sort of miniature food at them. I slammed the book down and sat up, legs to chest and arms wrapped around legs. 

"And who the fuck is this twat?" He mumbled, chewing on something while throwing the shells of peanuts to the floor,  _"must'a been what he was throwin' at whoever he was talkin to."_ I thought to myself.

"I'm uh,"

"Oh for christs sake he can't even talk!" Interrupting and even shouting it so that people beyond the walls could hear. 

"Ay look, I'm John alrigh? Keep to yaself and keep ya mitts off of my shit and we won't have a problem, I'm not mean, I don't have any demands nor requests besides that. Don't be a pest, don't get on me nerves and everything should be good, alright?" He grinned, this big almost demonizing grin, it was childish but also the type of smile you'd see in a nightmare or horror movie. He was handsome, strong jawline and a beautiful complexion, hair slicked back and he wore leather just as I had. 

"Alright well I'm Paul." I lately replied he shook his head and gave me a peculiar look, climbing onto his bed, kicking his shoes off and slamming his jacket onto the floor from above. He hadn't said much more that night and he fell asleep fast, I noticed he couldn't see well but loathed wearing his glasses. I watched him attempt to read a book.

 

I laid on my right side that night, the bed, the mattress everything tattered and cold, the walls were painted black and the window had bars in it. I had a horrible feeling about this place, I was wondering when it would become normal to feel this way. This never ending sinking feeling. I was shivering in my sleep I guess because when I awoke there was a leather jacket, not mine, sprawled across me. I got up to hang it up, I'm sure he'd appreciate the gesture, I know I did. 

John hopped down from his bed, stretching his arms and back, I looked him over, practically checking him out. His shirt raising a bit as he took it off and headed for his bag of clothes that was laid out in the corner. I watched his back, shoulder blades moving and I licked my lips, hoping he wouldn't notice. He looked so beyond good and seemed so cocky and confident but also so mellow and insecure all at once, how did he do that? He pointed my attention in the direction of the wall once he had his shirt on, it was opposite of the wall the beds were against.

 

"Look 'ere, my art? Ya like it?" He asked, same smile appearing like the one yesterday and he leaned against the wall, one heel against the tip of his toes and bobbing his head forward, waiting for a response. I looked it over for a second, attempting to find the right words to put my thoughts, feelings towards his art into words. 

"Yeah its very nice, peculiar and rare, special. I like it, it gives a good feeling, comforting." Still smiling, he stormed off and left the room, slamming the door closed. I got ready by sleeking my hair back, putting my leather jacket back on and the boots I was so used to wearing. I poked my head out the door and upon exit I immediately bumped into someone. I heard laughter emit from everyone around us and I picked up my sketchbook and helped her pick up a book she had been reading.

 

She looked at me and smiled. "Ey Paul is that? Its me, Alyssa! Don't ya remember me, I worked at the record store!" I was shocked to see her, of all people here. She was so happy, so cheery, she shouldn't be here. 

"Alyssa!" I exclaimed, hugging her and she squeezed me.

"Its been ages! How have you been?" She asked me the worst of all questions.

"Well clearly not good if I ended up in 'ere. Me mum passed." A shocked expression landed on her face and tears filled her eyes.

"My god Paulie, I'm so terribly sorry, if there is anything I can do, anything at all just please let me know." She offered her condolences and I, of course, being the gentleman that I am, took her offer and thanked her.

"Ey, we're going to be late for breakfast Paulie!" She grabbed my hand and tugged me along towards the cafeteria, I glanced around and cleared my throat. She pulled me up to where we get our food and I declined it all, I hadn't eaten since my mum passed. She looked at me worried and mouthed the word "please?" I couldn't refuse especially not with the saddened look in her eyes. I sighed and grabbed a tray, clutching it in my hands, I only got one thing but that was enough for her. Well, that and a drink.

 

She led me to a table where two other boys were sitting, one whom of which had a big nose and another looked like a vampire as he took a bite from his apple. I stopped on the way to it and he looked at me questioningly. She groped my sleeve and pulled me to the table, they seemed friendly enough, friendlier than my roommate that is anyway.

They both stared at me, the one with the big nose wore lots of rings, I noticed, and both wore a lot of leather just like me. The other fellow, the one with the vampire fangs, he had a lovely complexion as well, like John. He didn't look like him that is, no no no, this lad had a nicer, more chiseled jawline, more noticeable. His cheekbones were oh so prominent and he was tall, lanky it seemed, skinny, nice eyes and nose, smile was nice as he laughed at the other ones jokes, Alyssa left me alone on the opposite side of the table to sit next to the bigger nosed fella.

 

"Where are my manners?" She said, questioningly but also excitedly. "Boys, this is my old friend up in Liverpool, Paul, Paul McCartney. He was a guitar player and we met through the record store."

"Another from Liverpool then?" The one to the right  _(or should I say Dracula.)_ said. "That makes five of us then, that I know of at least. Anyway, ay Paul, we don't bite, especially not me I know it's hard to believe due to the teeth." The others laughed, I did as well. "Heh, I'm George! I'm a guitarist meself, self taught, miss it." 

"And that is..." I trailed off as I gleamed at the other lad, not as attractive as the others but not a complete eye sore. 

"Ey I'm Ringo, I'm a drummer, self taught, grew up with it. Real name's Richard but they call me Ringo due to the amount of rings I wear. Alyssa here has told me a lot about the adventures the lot of you have shared! Sounds like ya have had real good times!" Ringo was kind, welcoming and a warm/kind-hearted fella, it was nice to be making friends and to have one in here I already knew. 

I nodded at them as Alyssa began to pick up. "Oh I didn't tell you, well Richie here is me boyfriend, has been ever since I got here."

I cleared my throat with a question spurring at the back of my mind, "Um, Alyssa could we chat privately?" She nodded and got off of Ringo's lap, taking me towards the side of the cafeteria. 

"What is it?" She asked.

"What the fuck Alyssa, why didn't you just tell me you were comin' 'ere?" She clasped her arms across her chest.

"Okay look, don't swear at me, I didn't know how to tell you! It isn't something you just publicly announce, alrigh?" 

"Your parents fucking told me you were away in the states, do you know how worried you had me? How lonely? I get this isn't only about me but goddammit Alyssa I would've driven 3 fucking hours just to have seen you! I've missed you to death!" She began sobbing and we shared hugs, my hand on the back of her head, pressing it down onto my shoulder. We rocked back and forth and I shushed her, just as soon as her head perked up I knew something was going on.

"I uh, have to go see someone." I turned to see someone sitting at our table, someone other than the group before. I sat back down and couldn't make it out, who it was because well, his back was turned to me. As soon as he turned it was John and I sighed a bit of relief until he was practically hassling me. He had his hand on the collar of my jacket and I was swearing that whatever he was accusing me of, I didn't do it.

 

I looked like an idiot when they all suddenly started laughing, as if that was some sort of a joke. I looked around at all the seemingly happy faces and stormed off, sketchbook in hand and went back to my room. I know I promised Alyssa I would eat but I didn't take a single bite of anything that morning. I laid on my bed, wanting to write in my journal about how difficult, how different things were here. It was like school only darker, more dreary, depressing and agonizing. They had me on different amounts of things and I couldn't see straight passed the first morning. 

John came in and he was smug, carrying himself so cockily but underneath that I could see someone lost, scared and confused, in fact, I was confused. Why would he come in here just to comfort me? He probably wasn't, I was fooling myself. Handing me a baggy of something, I snatched it and analyzed it as he chuckled and leaned his head back in the most cocky way I've ever seen.

 

"First one's free, if ya want or need more, you know where to find me." He exited as if he had more to distribute to, I examined the contents of the baggy and chuckled to myself.

"Drugs? How the fuck did he-" He interrupted, coming back into the room.

"Don't fuckin' ask." He climbed onto his bed and sighed, kicking his boots off just as he did the night before. I twiddled my thumbs, playing with one of my pencils and scribbled into my book, I drew him. He was clouding my mind and it had only gotten worse since yesterday. 

"Ay John?" I heard him sigh and he leaned over the bed, looking at me in the dim-lit room, running a hand through his hair.  _"Fuck why did they pair me with such a handsome roommate?"_ I thought to myself.

"Yes?" He said, eyes closed and giving me a bit of a sassy look and tone.

"Where ya from?" I hope he answered truthfully, if not then I just hope he answered.

"Liverpool, why does it matter?" He seemed annoyed so I agreed to keep my mouth shut after this.

"I was just uh, wonderin' ya know?"

"Yeah." He hopped down from his bed and crawled onto the end of mine, this had practically been the closest contact we had. He looked at me, a once over, even checked me out, eyebrows raised from time to time and I was surprised.

 

I fell asleep early that night, only memory was that my pencil was in my left and my sketchbook was on my chest but when I awoke he was there, sprawled across me, on top of me, and I wasn't complaining. I ran my fingers throughout his hair, maybe he liked that. I was comfortable and hopefully he was too, I liked this feeling, it was new but it was a nice feeling, having someone who seemed reliable but also relied on you. It was bliss, almost at least, apart from the atmosphere.

I laid awake for a couple minutes, maybe hours with John on me, who snored, it was cute though. His shirt was tight and outlined his muscles and god it was hot, that was the last memory I recalled before the moonlight peaking through the window disappeared, if not that then it was the fact that it was damp in the room and it was stuck to his skin, along with his short hair on the sides of his face. He made everything seem so simple, so easy and he made everything seem so clear, every little fucking thing he possibly did was far more attractive than I could ever imagine.

All these thoughts were coming on too fast and I decided to neglect them, knowing what institutions like this do to homosexuals. This was a whole new side to me, a whole new thing entirely and it was shocking that I could ever feel this way, especially towards a man. It was considered unnatural in these times but god it wasn't something I'd ever seen myself experimenting in. I brushed all thoughts of him, or anyone for that matter in this light off. I was so unsure of this, him, and now even everything.

Later, when I awoke from slumber I found John was up too, still laid out upon me but once again, I didn't mind. In here, both boys and girls were separated and everyone needed comfort, consoling now and again. Plus if he was in here something bad was bound to have happened. Until something so unexpected, so shocking that I hadn't known if it was going to only last seconds, if it was going to happen again or if I even wanted it to stopped. He took me, by the back of the head, and pressed our lips together.

It was nice, long, wet and he moaned into my mouth, if he felt a sudden certain attachment to me, I had no idea. But this, whatever this was, whatever this maybe it was wonderful and I was so sure that I wanted more.


	2. Chapter 2

**November 6th, 1956.**

 

I woke early that day, the last two had been a haze, a total blur. I hadn't remembered much, just somewhat tiny vivid details. I did remember spending time with John as we took some of the drugs, that I had no fucking idea how on earth he was getting them in. But that was beyond me. None of my business, it was just my business that he gave me a 'free sample' and I was not hesitant to do it. I was desperate for a lift, a fix, something, just to feel anything.

 

It worked and when I came down it was the worst fucking feeling in the entire world, I needed, wanted, desired more. I don't know what it was about not only the drugs but also John, I was craving more of the attention, especially from him. I was afraid of becoming old news. I was shocked just to know he remembered my name.

 

Finally I got out of bed and stretched, smelling my clothes and immediately going to my locker, opening it and pulling out one of the outfits the institution had given us. I changed into it and it looked like a goddamn janitors outfit. I refused to be seen in it, but just as that thought occurred John walked in and busted out into a fit of laughter. It was annoying but his laugh was beautiful, I wanted to laugh too but I couldn't bring myself to. Too tired.

 

I gripped one of my journals and skimmed through the pages, to a time before Alyssa and I were dumped in this place. I always felt so sorry for her, her parents were complete shite and she still tried to be good enough for them. I guess when that desire to be good enough ran out she made an attempt on her life, I don't know the whole story, she wouldn't and still refuses to tell me. I just always hated her parents, being around them, the atmosphere was unsafe and felt cruel, like I was in a horror movie.

 

Anyway, I was just glad she was okay. I reflected on those days, it was this last Summer when they had taken her, August, mid-August and I couldn't believe how gullible I was to actually believe her parents. It was my own fault, I had taken their word over my own instincts but that was life and I can't make up for the past no matter how badly I wanted to.

 

"Ay you okay then?" And when I heard that leave Johns mouth my head immediately shot up.

"Uh yeah yeah - I'm alright." I lied.

"Look man, if you're dwellin on some shit in the past, my advice is to just leave it there, leave it be. The past is the past and ya can't change it. I know that sucks and how shitty it is - Wait, why are you in here anyway? I never asked ya that." It seems he was always persistent to change the subject, like he couldn't focus on one for too long.

"I uh attempted suicide because me mum passed." He went silent, ran his fingers across his face, outlining his lips that looked so good in the dim light. So red, plump, they looked chapped but kissable. Perfect.

"Yeah I uh - I know that can be hard, I know how shitty that must be." He sat next to me on the bed and leaned on his hand.

"Did you lose a parent, too?" I asked, I didn't know if it was a sensitive subject for him, but it couldn't hurt to ask.

"No no, me dad uh left us when we were young and I don't really know me mum. I lived with my aunt Mimi."

"So why are you in here then?" I immediately asked.

"Well me aunt Mimi is abusive, physically, emotionally, mentally, whatever else, she's a daft woman. I also made an attempt on my life, so they sent me 'ere." He laughed to himself, literally fucking laughed as if it was funny. Was it funny? Was that something to laugh about? Did he like it here?

 

He inched away from me and kept the distance between us and grabbed one of my sketchbooks on the table next to him, flipping through it. "Is this her?" I nodded, he told me that I was a great artist and that my mother was beautiful, two things which I already knew. He continued to skim through the book and I was anxious, I had never let anyone go throughout those books. My father, who intruded on my life, found all of them in my room one day and found out I had attempted suicide, I was depressed and whatever else was concerning him. I think he was more concerned if I was doing drugs or not. Heh.

 

John was so into, so focused and intrigued in my books. I couldn't understand it, sometimes he was so caring, so passionate and at other times he was cruel, distant and I had no idea as to why. I went with it though, I learned when he was irritated, when to keep away from him and to be sure not to ask any questions when none were needed. He didn't scare me, nor did he threaten me, but I just didn't want to piss him off or get on his bad side. He was also a joker, I think to push back the pain of his past, his childhood.

 

Suddenly we heard loud chatter and screams from outside our room, we rushed outside of our room and I saw Alyssa being taken away on a gurney, I panicked. I dropped the sketchbook I snapped from John and let out a horrid sounding scream. Ringo and George crammed out the doors of their rooms and acknowledged the awful sight that laid out before them.

 

I chased after the doctors, asking what was wrong with her but they were stern, refusing to answer. I followed them and her all the way down to the infirmary, followed by Ringo. Once we were there we stared at Alyssa through the windows in the doors and Ringo sobbed. I held him and allowed him to let it all out, placing his head on my shoulder and John and George were soon to catch up.

 

We sat on the chairs outside of the infirmary in silence, I never knew that Alyssa, one of my best and most greatest friends since I was 5 would bring me together with some of the people who cared about her just as much as I do. At least not to someone who made me so nervous but infuriated at the same time. He was so simple and pissed me off a great deal and I had no fucking idea how, but he just had this way about him. I never knew what it was.

 

I stared at him with George placed between us, trying to figure him out. He was quiet, head down, hands together in his lap and I still couldn't figure it out. He obviously hated confrontation and expressing feelings, I'm guessing he was never good at it. I sighed and leaned back in my chair, legs out in front of the doors, waiting for some answers on Alyssa. What I saw of her on the gurney alarmed me, it shook me in a way that nothing ever had before, and I've seen House of Wax.

 

Someone finally decided to break the silence, it was George. "What do ya think happened to her?" 

We shook our heads and shrugged in response. "Whatever it is she better be okay," Ringo had said. 

 

I nodded and kept quiet, we all sat there in our leather clothes, hair slicked back and I think John was most distraught out of all of us. He seemed so sensitive but his face looked cold, stone and pale. As if he was going to puke. I looked through the window that peeked into the infirmary and saw Alyssa walking towards the exit, I jumped up immediately and everyone else followed my lead, but when we all cheered "Alyssa" as she walked through the door she had no response, no movement other than to keep moving forward. We all glanced at each other lost, in confusion.

 

We followed her to her room and she just laid on her bed, still and shaking. Ringo and I agreed to go in as John and George stood outside, guarding the door. We sat next to Alyssa on her bed and turned her around, her face was pale, her whole body was and she wouldn't say a thing, wouldn't move a muscle.

 

"Alyssa who the fuck did this to you!?" I shouted, shaking her practically dead-like body but I received no response. Ringo got up from next to us in anger and kicked, punched at a wall. He was pissed and honestly, I couldn't blame him.

"What the fuck is your issue Ringo?" Is all I could spur out.

"What the fuck do ya think McCartney? My girlfriend, our friend could practically have been dead and we have no fucking idea as to how or why! Of course this has left me in anguish!" Ringo retorted back.

We turned as we heard a mumble come from Alyssa, rushing over to the bed. "Stu.." is all that she let out but we took it as a lead.

 

Rushing out the door to see John, George and a nurse, we all said hi to her and asked what had happened to Alyssa. I noticed she gave me a once over in particular and I was sort of flattered. She told us there were traces of heroin, cocaine in her blood and suddenly both Ringo and George looked at John. They all walked off and left me with the nurse, she held me back.

 

"You're the new kid, right?" I nodded and she looked at me in a seductive manor, shoving a note in my pocket.

She pulled me close and said. "Come after dark," walking into Alyssa's room and winking at me. I hadn't known what all that was about and quite frankly didn't care enough about to find out. I just thought she was going to tell me to stay out of trouble or something.

 

Once I caught up to the others George and Ringo were blaming John, throwing accusations out into the blue and John was defending himself. I couldn't blame him, if these guys knew John for long then they must have known he wasn't the type to smuggle in any "serious" drugs. Not cocaine or heroine at least, I'd hope anyway.

 

 

"Do you guys think I'm a fucking idiot? I would never risk my own ass by smuggling in anything like that! You know what I bring in here and that is marijuana and that is it! Occasionally some cigarettes or alcohol but that is it. I'd never let anyone, especially not Alyssa do something like overdose on something or be so close to death like that." John was sassy, angry that he was even being accused of this.

"You guys know he's right!" I said, continuing with "Alyssa said something about someone named Stu, I don't know if that is a full name or what but its all we know for now! So don't go pointing accusations until we know the full story and the only people who do is this Stu person and Alyssa, and one of them is fucking high off of whatever the fuck they gave her and the other we have no idea who they are!" They all looked at me and were calm, they all apologized to John and I made them an offer.

"Look we all care about Alyssa, right? We're all friends I mean wouldn't you consider us friends?" They all nodded as they sat on my bed. "Alright then we have to figure this out together, clearly John has some sort of 'competition' and we want to take him out and make him know what he did, right? So we ask administration who the fuck this 'Stu' is and we find him, teach him a lesson." They all looked at me as if I was crazy or on drugs myself, but eventually agreed and we all had roles to play in this plan.

 

Ringo was to play the most important role by finding out who it is and getting back to us with the information, and once it hit 10:30 o'clock he went off to find an administrator and we waited in my room, planning, waiting, thinking. We couldn't take this guy out and had to make it look like an accident. We agreed we'd wait 15 minutes for Ringo to get back and if he didn't then we'd have to move on. Once it hit 10:45 we knew we couldn't wait anymore and went off on our journey. Ringo had bumped into us as we were leaving and he had gotten his entire file.

 

"Are you sure this is him?" I asked and Ringo nodded, pointing out that he had multiple offenses and could have possibly gone to jail.

 

We all made our way for the room he was in, quietly opening and closing the door. George had kept watch from the tiny window in our cell doors, John woke up Stu and had immediately hit him in his face. We laughed to ourselves as he pulled Stu, or Stuart out of his bed and I held him, arms wrapped around his so he couldn't hit John back. He was relentless, and this was a whole new side to him, to all of us but damn did it feel good to be in control. 

 

As John hit and hit and hit him he got more and more crafty with what he did it with, and when he got tired or thought Stu had enough that's when Ringo stepped in. I watched in the dark as blood flung everywhere and Stuart was beginning to become unconscious so we stopped. I threw him on the ground and spit on him, kneeling down and pulling his face up to mine by his hair and said, "if you ever do this to someone again, we'll know about it and this won't be the only thing you get." I threw his head back onto the ground, not too hard and then kicked him in his stomach. As we left George held up his middle finger towards Stu and almost slammed the door, but didn't due to the fact guards would hear.

 

We all looked at each other and around our atmosphere as a kind of "what now?" Until John ran off, straight down the hall and we followed him. He somehow planned an elaborate scheme of selling shit to the other patients here, particularly drugs but also cigarettes and alcohol which were big now a days. Alcohol use was scaring the society but none of us had cared and when John pulled out rum and some ciggies to celebrate we all wanted to cheer. I instantly grabbed the bottle of rum and took as many slugs as I could from the bottle just when John snatched it away and offered me a cigarette he had already been smoking, how he got it lit was beyond me.

 

John kissed me through all the drunken and probably grief and I enjoyed it, kissing him back. I don't know if it was the alcohol or him but he made me crazy, and it was probably, most certainly, without a doubt him.


	3. Chapter 3

**November 22nd, 1956.**

 

 

It was strange, feeling these things I did about John, but it also felt so real, so normal. I was completely intrigued by him and he seemed just as infatuated with me. But what had I known? Maybe I was kidding myself, I didn't want to just leap into things and being in here, it can drive ya mad anyway. Alyssa had recovered and she spoke with us about Stu, who eventually apologized to us as we did to him and he joined us in our group of friends. Now with him, hoping he had learned his lesson no type of drugs that could potentially endanger someones life would stop being brought in here. He harmed over 50 kids and didn't really care if he was harming even himself.

 

Anyway, I woke early that morning and dreaded going to the bathroom, pulling myself into the shower feeling completely sluggish. I hated coming in the morning, there was no hot water and the line was always long but I got to hear Johns humming, sometimes when we were last and there was nobody else he'd come into my stall and lather my body in soap. I loved the feeling of his hands running all over my body, it was bliss and he'd hum into my ear, I'd fling my head back over his shoulder. Today was one of those days.

 

John and I's relationship grew and we found comfort in each other, he drove me mad and he didn't understand it or how, but he didn't need to. Maybe I did the same for him, at least I hope I did. He practically dangled himself in front of me, was always carrying himself so confidently especially when I was around and it killed me and he knew it did too. God he had this way, this thing about him.

 

He was very subtle about everything he, or we did. He never let himself slip up and when he did he took the fall, he was gentle and caring. Maybe he was using me or deceiving me but for that matter, I didn't care and needn't worry about because I knew, as of now, his love was true at least it felt like it was. I was replaceable and I knew that but for the time being, it felt good to have someone actually care, y'know?

 

John was sweet and was humming my favourite Elvis tune into my ear, "Blue Suede Shoes," and god he sung it better than Elvis ever did. Johns voice was heavenly and I could just sink myself into it. He ran his fingers through my hair and it was relaxing just to listen to him, serenade me, to have my own personal show performed by this man.

 

Seeming so unreal John, not only that, was inevitable. You could try to ignore him but he got to you, he just did, he had this way about him. Maybe it was his way with words or the way he did his hair or how he smirks at you with a cigarette in his mouth, but not only was it those little things it was the whole package. It was him, he was it. Every girls fantasy, their dream of a hint of danger and excitement because John gave just enough of that. The entire time he was in the stall with me, planting cold and wet kisses on my shoulder and collarbones I was worried someone was bound to walk in and catch us.

 

My nerves were rising as each minute passed but John was so sure of this, of us and it was insane. It was crazy to me that someone, him of all people, could make me feel this way. Could bring out something like this. It was new and I was so unsure of it all but he was so certain that this was it for us, it was each other. It was exciting all the while I was concerned for our own safety but he, so sure of things and life was a go-getter. He was brave and so sure of himself and what we were going to do, and he just also had a way to woo me but also push my buttons, get under my skin.

 

I craned my head into his neck as he ran his hands over my torso, "meet me back in our room," and left our shower stall, grabbing his clothes with a towel wrapped around him as he ran out. That is what surprises me, the chances he takes, the things he does and says. He was well, spontaneous and it intrigued me. I wanted to know everything about him, his thought process on politics and how we could improve as a world. He was an interesting man with interesting views, I felt, and I wanted to know it all.

 

Sighing, I turned off the shower and got out, looking around for my clothes. "John.." I muttered to myself, "smug jackass." I continued, putting a hand on my forehead and darting off to my room, excusing myself from everyone I bumped into whom was on their way back from or to the showers. I ran in through the door, exhaling deeply as I saw John standing in front of me in his trousers. I swallowed, overwhelmed. 

 

He came up to me, hands on my hips as he ran his fingers along the line of my towel, my back against the cold door as he planted dry but yet somehow still wet and cold kisses on my neck. It made me recall last night when he shushed me with his hand over my mouth, kissing down my body and his wet lips wrapping around my hard member. God he drove me insane. 

 

Feelings were sparking back up inside me and I somehow brought these thoughts back to my mum, unable to tell if she'd ever be proud of me or disappointed. Ya see, this is the fucking fifties we're talking about and of course, just like in any other country, being gay was looked down upon. I had no idea what they'd do to me or John if they found out which is why I, always wanting to be careful, was cautious whereas John wanted to touch me anywhere we were.

 

"I need to hear ya moan," John whispered against my lips, grinding into me and I let out a noise I'd never imagine I could make in a million years and John slipped in a breath of air between his teeth. I watched him walk over to my, I mean, our bed as he rubbed the opposite side. Sadly this wasn't a double bed, only a single so John and I had to be cuddled close in it, but I didn't mind. 

 

Joining him in our bed I felt his arm wrap around me and him kiss my neck, cheek, back of my neck, shoulder blades, back, wherever his lips could touch. It tickled and I laughed, he smiled into my neck and it was the best feeling because John had the most genuine smile, only really flashing it when he was really happy. It was great to see when suddenly, Alyssa walked in. We panicked but she hadn't minded us together and it was wonderful really, to have a friend, friends that is who support you.

 

She sat at the end of the bed as we set up, John wrapped his arm around me and we leaned our foreheads against each others with our noses touching. He looked at me as if I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and god, I never wanted to be without that feeling. Alyssa explained to us that the drugs hadn't stopped coming in, she got offered some more by another patient whom proceeded to make a joke about her overdosing. I immediately got pissed and John had to calm me down, kissing my cheeks. 

 

"Look someone in here is dealing, I don't know who it is nor how they have connections but its fucking dangerous. It wasn't Stu, he was just dealing for his boss, to protect them. I don't know how this works or anything but shouldn't we or the administration deal with this?" Alyssa sounded more worried than angry.

"And shouldn't you be pissed about this?" John said, raising his eyebrows with his eyes piercing at her.

"Well I am!" John just shook his head and looked around.

"No, you seem too nonchalant about all this, get the fuck out." John was angry, and ordered her to do as he said, but I knew and I think she did too that he wouldn't hit her. She obliged and left the room, didn't seem at all upset and it was quite strange because the Alyssa I knew was an emotional wreck. 

"What was that all about?" I asked John, I wasn't angry or pissed off at him because well, I knew he had reasoning behind everything. Whatever that reason may be I would stick by his side. I was loyal to him, I don't know why but he filled the void that losing my mum created and I wasn't ready to give that up.

"Talking about all that as if she's fuckin' familiar with it all? No, she was TOO nonchalant about it all and I for one think she didn't mind the drugs at all. Man she was fucked up on heroin AND coke? How do you even get a hold of all that especially in a place like this? Fuck!" So I'm assuming John thought that whatever all this was, this drug flow into the mental hospital was that Alyssa was in on it, maybe for the free drugs or to support her habit, but I had no clue and didn't want to know. I just wanted it to stop. I cared for her and when she was like that she was fucking emotionless, which is what just happened.

"She was just on something when she came in." John grazed his chin with his fingers as if he was deep in thought, thinking about what it might be. But suddenly he jumped onto my bed and brought his lips to my ear, his breath was warm on my cold skin and the feeling was wonderful. His hands traveling my body and at that moment I think was when I felt my safest. 

 

John was always protective of me though and I think that is only what made me love him a hundred times more. John was someone I could see myself being loyal to, always and that I could spend years with, it was just unreal to me that he, surrounded by all the attractive people he is, he chose me. It surprised me but I think what really took me back was the fact that he genuinely wanted me, wanted to be with me and was interested in me, I couldn't understand it but all I knew is that I'd enjoy it while it lasted. 

 

He was playing with my hair when suddenly, out of nowhere he asked, "What do ya want for Christmas?" I thought and thought but all those thoughts just kept leading back to John. I imagined him with his hair slicked back nice in lingerie and tried to clear them immediately. Only thoughts of John kept reoccurring but all I really wanted was to feel mentally at peace, not worrying what everyone else thinks and how they view me and trying to please everyone because really all I wanted to please was John.

 

I didn't respond to him as I just wanted to focus on this, us, here and now, not worry about the future or the past or what "might" happen because what is the point in worrying? What good will that do me? I was over-thinking and on the verge of breaking down but I knew I had to be strong, I was a hypocrite for saying "don't worry about the past" because well, I just wanted to make my mum proud. I always worried about if she would be proud of me, or ashamed. I miss her.

 

Thinking back to a time before all this, before being a teenager and when everything just seemed so simple, I didn't think anything through and just went with it all. Maybe that's what I have to do with this, with John, just go with it, with what he has to offer and who he is. He seems so full of life and as if he didn't change at all from a kid, he's exactly the same, not thinking anything through and just going with what life throws at him. 

 

I thought about Alyssa and the old her, who wasn't always constantly looking for an escape from life, from reality and who faced her problems head on. What changed in her? I thought back about it all and couldn't find anything that could have possibly changed her unless she is in here for a completely different reason than what she told me. I watched John get dressed and helped him, buttoning up his pants for him as he threw his head back, I loved leather on his thighs. 

 

Suddenly Ringo busted through the door and looked concerned, distraught and at a loss completely, John and I brought him over to the bed. 

 

"I think Alyssa's cheating on me!" He exclaimed and we looked at each other. We sat there in silence and and shared glances, clearing our throats and twiddling our fingers. 

"Well uh, h-how do you know?" I asked and he was hesitant but also immediately replied.

"I heard her chattin' to someone in her room! I was on my way there and stopped outside the door." 

"Okay okay," I began, interrupting him, "calm down, what exactly did she say?" I finished as me and John huddled around him, my arm hanging on the frame of the top bunk.

"She said 'I think they're onto us' what is that even supposed to fuckin' mean!?" John and I looked at each other as he lit a cigarette. 

"Look we think that whatever Stu did to Alyssa, and however the fuck all these other kids are bein' sent down to the medical ward and gettin' their hands on drugs isn't fucking over. We think Alyssa is in on whatever this is. Whatever is fucking going on around here, she doesn't fucking give a damn, alright? We're going to need you to put your feelings to the side for now so we can figure out what the fuck is going on, where the fuck is George?" John said, opening the door and looking around as George bumped into him, rushing into the room, panicking.

"Alright someone around here has got another business set up, stealin' all of Johns customers and has got a hell of a lot stronger merchandise comin in. Now I think what we should do-"

"Hey!" I shouted, interrupting. "How the fuck do we know all this shit anyway? I say we follow Stuart, and someone else follows Alyssa and see where that fucking takes us." They all gave me puzzled looks and actually thought it wasn't a bad idea. We all agreed and waited until after dark. John and I agreed to follow them separately as wherever they ended up, Ringo and George would be waiting to distract them.

 

We knew that if we followed them together, or waited to distract them us ourselves would get distracted in each other. By the time everyone was asleep, we were all huddled in me and Johns room, as George kept watch and once we heard one of the doors slam and George saw Alyssa walk past, John left the room to follow her. I took my position out in the hall, sitting on the cold floor with my back against the bricks, smoking a cigarette. 

 

Stuart came up to me laughing, practically mocking me, "Hah alone I see? Whatcha gonna do to me?" Kicking my foot as he walked past me, smug fucking dick. I've wanted to kill this bastard since the day we met and Alyssa went into psychiatric care. I rolled my eyes as I watched him walk off and I followed behind, hiding myself with whatever was insight, the occasional hallway, janitors bucket and to my luck, the bathroom. He began to slow down as I saw George grab the collar of his jacket and bang his head against the bars over the windows.

 

"Jesus George! You couldn't have done this quieter!" I exclaimed yet at a whisper as he quickly took the keys out of his pocket along with a list of people he sold drugs to the past week and the location where all the drugs are stored.

"Alright I got it-"

"Hey! What are ya kids doing?" I saw a janitor say as we ran off to meet up with Ringo and John for the exchange. Had I known what we were exchanging? No.

 

We stopped and hid on the corner of the hallway as we heard voices but soon realized it was just Ringo keeping her busy, and somehow I knew he'd breakdown, knowing every word that left her mouth was utter bullshit. I watched John sneak up on her, wrapping his arms around hers and having her in a grip so tight we knew she couldn't escape. We ran up to them and traded them the keys and list as they gave us Alyssa, practically chuckling to ourselves, George and I ran back to his room with Alyssa as she kept whispering "let go of me!"

 

While I tied her up to the frame of the bed, George rolled us a joint and I happily obliged when he offered me a drag. It was so calming and we looked down at Alyssa, sitting on George's bed, thinking to ourselves, maybe the same thing even. How to get info on Alyssa and what John and Ringo were up to, I knelt down to be face length with Alyssa, growing a devious smile. 

 

"Alright look there are tons of ways we could go about this, yeah?" George nodded at me as I said that and we paced back and forth about the room.

"You could have an accident," George said.

"I dunno man, that might not teach her a lesson because it surely didn't work the first time. Not for Stu either!" George raised his glass at me and nodded.

"Look how about you just tell us who you're workin for yeah? Oh and where they stashes their shit, who their connection is on the outside all those details."

"Forget it!" She snapped back.

"Ooh someone wants to get big." George and I both answered.

"You're not getting shit out of me! Plus the one you want is Stu, he knows more than I do."

"Haha thats funny, really, its a shame we don't believe you."

"See Alyssa, all you are to us is a liability, old Ringo could easily find someone better, someone new, and we all know new is more appealing." She began shaking and threw up between George and I and we held our noses.

"Aw fuck! Really? Goddamn.." George said as John and Ringo came in, Ringo carrying a bunch of drugs as John dragged Stu's body into the room, laying it down in the puke.

"Now I think we're going about this the right way."

"Blindfold Alyssa." John said and Ringo immediately went over to her, doing exactly what he said as I watched John hide the drugs in George's locker.

"Is that fuckin all of them?!" I asked and he nodded.

"Fuck yeah, we cleaned them the fuck out, no money I figured no drugs for whoever is bringing them in."

 

Stuart soon woke and looked at the puke in disgust as we all laughed and we tied his hands to the bed frame as well. He looked at us in confusion, anguish and we all cheered, smoking cigarettes and taking sips of whisky. Walking around the room and wondering what we should do to them, glancing around at each other when we suddenly heard someone walking down the hallway, John and I leaped towards Stu and Alyssa, placing our hands over their mouths. 

 

Nerves wracking as we listened to the footsteps walk away and George kept watch, sweating as it seemed Alyssa took to this whole submissive type shit well, which was odd to me. Her head on my shoulder as I threw her off of me and stood up next to John.

 

"If you don't let us go I'll turn you faggots in!" Stuart threatened as John and I glared at each other laughing. John grabbed the back of his hair and bent down to be at eye level with him as I had a mouth full of whisky. 

"You think I really give a shit? I think they'd be more pissed when they find out what you got going on with your little drug game, and we don't really need you to tell us who your 'boss' or whatever you want to consider them to be now because all the drugs have "property of" labels on them." Throwing him back onto the bed as I spit my whiskey out on him. John pushed me out of the way as he lit a cigarette, lifting his sleeve and burning it on his arm and we all rooted him on. 

"Fine! Fuck okay!" Stuart exclaimed, "hmph, easy enough to break" I thought to myself. 

"Alright, so you gonna tell us where we can find this cunt?" John whispered.

"Yes! Fuck okay. You can find her in room 124, she has long black hair, she's some sort of Asian, looks like a witch from a storybook." John chuckled and spit on him.

"Alrigh, lets go, Ringo you stay and watch them, if you need assistance come find us." John patted my chest and pulled me out the door, down the hall.

 

It was hard to keep up with the pace we were moving because I had been running on no sleep, and I had lack of energy but I knew how much this meant to John and more importantly, to Ringo. He was so whole-hearted, so sweet and he gets this from his first real girlfriend, betrayal, lies and she was completely unloyal. Sold our secrets, and for what? A little high? I couldn't believe I spent my whole life trusting that girl. I felt disappointment flushing over me but also mixed with rage, hatred and anger. 

 

We arrived at the room, the atmosphere was dark and cold, as if they put them at the back of the building for punishment, John kicked the door open, practically screaming but not wanting to alert the administration he said "Hello?" We all stood in alert, not touching anything as a woman stood in front of the window on the back wall. Beginning to walk towards her John tugged on her shoulder, turning her around and she chuckled, head swirling around in circles. It was her, we all knew it. John dragged her back to George's room and threw her on the bed with the rest, tying her up as she whispered random things into his ear, I pulled him back away from her.

 

"What do ya plan to do with her?" I asked. 

"Dunno yet." John chuckled, kissing me and every time that happened fireworks went off in my heart. I never knew a feeling like this, something as strong as this could exist. I glanced over to the three sitting on the bed as I leaned against the wall and contemplated what we should do. Picking up bricks of cocaine and plopping it down onto the table. 

"Where do ya plan to hide this shit exactly, George? Johns hiding spot isn't exactly suffice."

"Hah don't worry about that!" He exclaimed, continuing with "Just make sure these shit heads are blindfolded." 

 

Ringo went over and blindfolded the other two then proceeded to help me and George move his locker, picking up a tile off the floor and placing all the coke along with heroin in it. We all laughed to each other and continued drinking and smoking.

 

"Damn how did ya manage that?"

He immediately replied with "Hah fuck that man! I'm not going down for some ciggies and shit weed John sells me, thats where I stash it all!" Taking a drag off of his cigarette, holding it in his mouth we all moved it back into place.

"Hey fuck you man!" John said, laughing and drinking.

 

Afterwards when we watched them all go to sleep, we climbed onto the top bunk, sitting in place while we shared a joint, cigarettes and booze, telling stories about our pasts and which part of Liverpool we grew up in and our families. I talked about my mum and how she was always so proud of me and I was sure if she was still here she'd be extremely disappointed but part of me, in that moment, didn't care. We shared laughs and in someway I think we all grew closer that night, getting situated on the bed and passing out after a few more chugs of alcohol.

 

That night I fell asleep with whisky and a burnt out cigarette in one hand, and Johns hand in the other.


	4. Chapter 4

**December 7th, 1956.**

 

It had been over a month since I had been admitted into the mental hospital and I was going more and more insane. To benefit all this drug nonsense, I had been becoming more vulnerable and susceptible to little things people say. John watched over me to make sure I was okay, putting aside all other troubles and worries, even his own demented feelings, for me. I felt more and more like a worthless burden to everyone each day.

 

Things were getting harder as my depression grew and I recalled my mum, at times I'd clutch the necklace I sneaked in with me that was from her and remember all the moments we shared. It gave me the shivers just holding it but it was sentimental and I knew I needed to keep it forever. This morning I woke, shaking in my bed from a night terror. I decided to immediately retreat to my drawing book and journal and wrote about it, about her and how much I missed her. I yearned for her. She was always in my thoughts and it seemed they were becoming more frequent. 

 

My mind wasn't always busy anymore, but today was stressful, then again nothing was easy in recent history. I snuck off to the bathroom, making sure not to wake John and shook on the cold tile that was the floor. I wasn't ready to let go or face the world on my own, everything terrified me just to know the fact I could lose any of my loved ones at any time. 

 

The thought of illness, diseases, viruses, drugs especially worried me. I know one day my drinking and cigarette addiction would catch up with me but for now, they numbed the pain. I was drowsy and sprawled across the floor, wondering if there was anything sharp in here. I slugged out of the bathroom as Yoko came up to me. I smirked at her, feeling nauseous. She handed me a bottle of prescription pills and winked at me, I noticed they were sleeping pills. My eyes widened and I know exactly what she was thinking, as if she had somehow got into my thoughts. 

 

Lurking back into the bathroom I picked out 33 pills, one for each day I've been without my mum. Sweating, my nerves wracking just thinking about taking these especially mixing them with alcohol. Looking at the pills and the bottle in my hand, I began swallowing them, slugging down chugs of beer and coughing afterwards. They went in by twos and soon they were all gone, I backed away from the counter, slipping and my head bashing against the wall. I passed out and had a couple minutes of solitude. 

 

Minutes passed and as they did I was in a haze, completely confused at what was going on around me, trying to make out the figure in front of me. I felt pressure being pulled on my jacket and someones hand grazing my face, as I watched them run away, calling for help. Once they returned all I heard was "you idiot! how could you do this to me?" I thought it was John but thats when I felt someone pick me up and I was placed on a stretcher. Glancing around I noticed someone on my right was in all black and another on my left in white but everything after that was a blur. 

 

It was all so unreal, this isn't what I expected at all when I first arrived. I missed Alyssa, the old Alyssa who went down to the bay with me and we tossed rocks at the ocean. Her smile stopped you in her tracks and her laugh could replay in your head for days. I knew if I or he ever left this place I'd easily be replaced and as for me I'd wallow in bed missing him. I'd like to think that he'd still be there in someway, but he just wasn't. If he was, it wasn't him.

 

This place confused me, its as if I had a plentiful of minds, thoughts all inside of my own at once and I couldn't sort through them. All they did was yell at me. It was a massive headache that I could never get rid of, a burden not only on me but everyone else here. It was as if I'd been here before but somehow I just couldn't recall the name of the place. I was dazing in and out of consciousness all the while trying to hold on. I heard a voice but it wasn't something or someone I'd heard before, at least not someone I thought I had. I stirred awake as I saw John singing to me, holding my hand while bent down on his knees. 

 

I panicked as I watched him, I believed he thought I had died but I felt a pain on my stomach realizing it had been pumped. I felt nauseous and hesitant but I put my other hand on top of his as he glanced up at me with the most distraught look plastered on his face. 

 

"Dear god," he muttered out under his breath but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I skimmed through the room as I watched him help me off the bed, hand clutching mine harder than ever and I felt weak under his grasp. I fought for breath as my legs gave out under me, John catching me as I leaned into him, gasping for air as he picked me up and put me back on my feet. I leaned onto the hospital bed again as he ran across the room and grabbed a handheld mirror, bringing it back to me.

 

I looked as if I was dying or as if I had lost all the weight on my body, my face was pale, cheekbones prominent. My lips looked chapped and almost blended in with my face, all the weight on my body was gone. Cheeks went from fully figured to absolutely caving in, looking skinnier than George. I couldn't believe what I was seeing but it'd look as if I was supposed to be dead. No wonder I felt so weak, I pulled my jacket off and my arms were as pale as my face, maybe even whiter if that was possible. I lifted my shirt and noticed you could not only see but feel my rib cage. My hip bones were noticeable and at that point I began to get scared. John helped me out the door of the infirmary and to our room.

 

Upon arrival George and Ringo had been waiting for us there, moving out of the way of my bed as John placed me down on it. They all talked but I couldn't make out the words for some reason. I dazed off back into a nice sleep but I felt as if even while I was sleeping, eyes were watching me. I felt presences all around the room, eyes all over my body scanning me for some reason, some answers it seemed. 

 

I heard John tuning his guitar and singing as I awoke and everyone looked at me as if something had changed in me. I didn't feel the same as before, but nothing had changed. As I looked around at all the faces I noticed all of the beauty in each of them, especially Johns. I realized every part of him I don't think I noticed before, every corner, how his jawline ran right into his adorable ears, his nose that reminded you of a birds. Every single thing, and when he smiled at me, ooh man did it make my knees weak.

 

All I could think was that this was the type of shit people wrote books and songs about, this is it, this is love. I never felt nor have I ever been this infatuated with somebody before. John handed me a bottle of water and it felt so good against the back of my throat, wetting my lips, tongue and the inside of my mouth. As I finished John snuggled up to me and I asked Ringo what had happened to Alyssa as she was the last thing I remembered before I passed out.

 

Ringo just shrugged while picking at some grapes and popping a few into his mouth while John lit a ciggie. I guess it was too soon to talk about or to tell what was going to happen.

 

But just at that moment she came bursting into the door and I, with all the power I had, pushed John behind me as if he needed protection.

 

"Speak of the devil," George snarked.

"Cute," Alyssa retorted, "Look I know what I did was awful and wrong but I need help, she is after me and she is dangerous and she-" Alyssa was talking so fast I could hardly process her words, she was panting and rambling on throughout all she had to say.

"Who!?" We all shouted.

"Yoko! My kingpin!" We all just shook our heads staring at each other as George and Ringo climbed on the top bunk, pulling the hidden booze John had out from under his mattress and sipping it down.

"Uh-uh no, no fucking way!" George said.

John got up from the bed and I clutched his arm. "You hurt our poor ol' little Ritchie here and then expect us to help you? You must be out of your goddamn mind! Get the fuck out."

"Please!" Alyssa cried out as tears began to stream down her face along with snot.

George jumped down from the bed and said "You heard him, get the fuck out."

"Fuck you George! Fuck you!" She pushed him backwards "I'm so sick of all of your tough boy acts and egos! Get the fuck over yourselves!" 

John just looked down at the ground and chuckled as he ran a hand across his face, looking magnificent in the skin tight black t-shirt. Looking at her with a straight face, looking completely hateful. I've never seen him like this, so angry and hateful towards everyone, towards life.

"Hey hey baby its okay, I'm here, thats all that matters, look at me its going to be okay."

"No!" He abruptly shouted, interrupting me. "Its not fucking okay! Let me explain something to you, all of you. This girl, right here," he started, walking over to Alyssa, pushing her forward and standing behind her, hands on her shoulders, clasping onto the leather jacket. "This girl right beneath my hands," he continued, "Has fucked two of our best friends over. First Paul here, his lifelong best friend was sent into a mental hospital followed by him and she knew and she continued to betray him. In the weeks leading up to his arrival she was dating our other friend, mister Richard Starkey-" Ringo raised a hand.

"Ah yes mister lovable, sweet old Ringo! How long was this going on for? Hm, Alyssa? In cahoots with Yoko? How long was that going on for? Hm tell us, tell us Alyssa tell us. Was it all just a big set up? Stuart was the bait and you were the one that was gonna save the day and be Yoko's secret lover hm? Is that what is going on?"

I grabbed my coat and stormed out with the energy I had left, slamming the heavy door behind me, racing down the familiar but yet so uncertain hall. 

 

The nurse that approached me when I first got here did it once again, this time she pulled me by the collar of my jacket and slammed me against the wall, ravishing me. Grinding into my crotch and slamming her lips against mine, I threw her off and shouted "No!" Fixing my jacket and tucking my shirt back into my leather pants, racing off to find somewhere to think. 

 

Just when I ran into Yoko who pulled out a knife, holding it against my throat. Raising her eyebrows as her long hair draped down her back, cutting a bit into my neck as she sucked air in hard through her teeth. Chuckling to herself, as she was close to my jawline, making me more and more uncomfortable.

"Look," she started, "You're going to let lover boy go, hm? Yeah? Do that and none of you get hurt, Alyssa can walk and John will be all mine."

"But I-"

"Oh no no, don't speak. Shh shh, keep it quiet, I wouldn't want anyone to hear. Look, just let John go, give him to me and this will all go away. All the problems, everything. I'll forget about you and your petty little crew as long as you forget about me and all my accomplices."

"That isn't fair! What you're doing is hurting people! There is nothing wrong with me loving John!" She smacked me and all the sweat on my face rolled off onto the floor.

"If you don't want this to get any worse you'll do as I say and deliver what I ask." She said as she slid the knife across my cheek, leaving it to bleed down my face and neck. I knew I'd have a scar there and I threw a fist in her direction, coming in contact with her skin.

"You just gave yourself a death sentence." She said, chuckling at the end while walking off into the darkness of the hallway.

 

I raced back to my room and slammed the door, rushing, cluttering onto the bed as John shushed me and comforted me, telling me it was all going to be okay while running his fingers through my hair. Crying into his lap, all I remember was falling asleep in his lap.

 

The next morning I awoke in a circular room, tied to a chair and gagged. Great.


End file.
